Wedding nerves, anxiety and stress are very common. We all talk about how those feelings can affect a bride and ruin her wedding day. But we rarely talk about the nervous groom. Grooms can of course get uneasy, and worse than that, some might feel crippling anxiety at the thought of a wedding day. Brides often have a support group, and can talk openly about their feelings, but men often get told to “man up” and ignore their feelings. This is not at all healthy.
A life coach and/or bridal coach can of course also help a groom. Grooms could be worried about everything going to plan. They don’t want any disasters on the day, either. The sensitive groom will also be thinking of their friends and family, and wondering if they will be having a good time.
In many cases, the groom might have been less involved in the planning, so he may feel unsure about the order of the day, and if he will get something wrong. Communicate your plans to your groom in the run-up to the wedding. Ask him what he thinks about things as you make decisions together.
A commonly cited worry of the groom is keeping to the budget. He might see the bride making lots of extravagant choices for lovely things and get worried about how they will be paying for everything.
Often, the wedding is considered to be the bride’s day but there is one person who is standing by her side for the whole thing and everyone is looking at him too. If your groom is not the sort or person who wants to be centre of attention, then try to keep the speaking requirements to a minimum – don’t ask him to write long and meaningful vows to say in front of everyone – let him say things to you in private. And if he wants to keep his speech short and sweet, then let him. Help him with the preparation and be there to listen to him practicing.
Grooms can be worried about being the centre of attention, too. The groom has to look just right, just like the bride, often in the sort of outfit that he would not normally wear. He may be nervous about tying his tie correctly, or just being uncomfortable in a stiff suit all day. Encourage him to try everything on numerous times in advance of the day, just as a bride should.
Many of these worries are playing to stereotypes, but the reason why we have stereotypes is that they can often be at least partly true. It is the stereotype that men aren’t sensitive and don’t feel nerves than can often be to blame for a groom feeling far more nervous about a wedding than he should. A bride can help her groom feel more confident about the wedding day, and so could the groom’s married friends, if he has some that you can suggest he talks to.
A lot of these worries that many grooms talk about can be helped with communication and empathy. A bride might get so caught up in wedding planning that she forgets to check that her groom is feeling good about it all. Remember to sit down as a couple and discuss things where possible, and to make decisions together along the way. That is what you will have to do as a married couple!